Let me tell you about him.

Dear Diary

Its been quite a while

Since I’ve written things down

But last time I had not much to say

And now I’ve got quite a bit!

I have met somebody new

[although this should be no real news to you]

He’s as sweet as can be

Someone whose story is true

He laughs at my jokes, smiles when I pout

He looks into me deeply, and prevents my frowns

Our days have been filled

With glorious endeavors

From kisses and stars to afternoons in the park,

chocolate is no need, to me he’s much sweeter.

His family is amazing

We have plans in two days

I admit his mom sometimes scares me

But I love her either way

He’s an animal Lover

And puts me first

He’s all I’ve ever wanted

I cant ask for more.

Oh Diary if you could just see

The way he looks at me

The way that I smile

His touch goes for miles.

If there is a god I am grateful

For putting him in my way

If there are spirits hear my thank you

For letting me stray

If it’s a Buddha I seek

You have definitely enlightened me

And if in fact its Allah

Then you must know I’m in complete awe.

He’s exciting and selfless

Sexy and sensible.

He’s 26 but practically ageless

The one who makes life oh so tolerable.

He fills me with sunshine

Brings me soup if I’m sick

He’s the type that would cross America

If it meant one more kiss.

We see each other daily

Yet it is not enough

Dear diary I am simply saying

He’s gotta be the one.

The perfect place

 

I was wondering the other day

If I could find some place

To write our names

A place where US wont be taken away

 

So I wrote it in suds

On the shower door

But slowly they run down

And that’s not US at all

 

So I then took my lipstick

A Deep Deep red

And wrote the words on the mirror

But sadly lipstick  can be easily washed  away

 

Then we went to the beach

And I wrote US on the sand

But the water once again came

So I wrote it in my heart

And forever it will stay.

Her heart was her soul….

“There was no place to go

Her heart was her soul

And many once said

Follow it whole”

«Dai»

 

 

Confession Time….

 

Say..hypothetically that I was seeing this guy. The type of guy I would never have thought I’d be dating…ever in a million years. Let’s say my friends and family are very shocked…and let’s say…for argument’s sake this guy and I really like each other…let’s say it’s been two weeks that have felt amazing and like its been a day because we feel it’s been such a short while. And also, lets say that this certain person and I are just friends…we made an arrangement to simply be friends, give each other some time and get to know each other. Say it was going very well and say the guy made a wonderful impression and was as passionate as he was intriguing….say we could talk well into the night, missed each other all the time, provably even when we were together or next to each other because we would just think about how the time goes by entirely way too fast, say he was the type to have roses of a kind that you had never seen or heard of arranged for you in a vase of a particular shape that happened to be odd and brought it to you as a surprise….just because he thought you were so particular yourself…these little details he takes care of. Then say you met his brothers and sister one night and cannot picture ever not hanging out all together at some point….say that when you and this particular person talk in a sense of time….it is always about how “We have tomorrow….and next month and next year” never oh…we have tomorrow….and leave it at that….no there is a certain certainty that comes when this guy regards this girl…and lets say that at night time its difficult to sleep because they think of each other, and cloud each others mind and hate the thought of one leaving each other…..

 

Say all this was real and was happening…what would it be called? Given a name..in any language….what would it be? Could you say it was a definite relationship? Could you say they were headed down the long haul? Could there be rings in the future for these two crazy kids? Well the family approves on both sides, and the couples find themselves entirely enticing….almost inseparable…could this work out?

 

Or does one have to have a fight?

DOES there have to be a fight?

 

She often hypothetically wonders…whether fights are good or not in a relationship….she does know however that fights are almost necessary because after one the couple may form a bond…it’s difficult for couples how have never had a fight because they are usually keeping things inside and when they do have fights, the fight is the last thing the couple does..plus you need to know if he is willing to go through a fight…there are steps you know? After the fight usually comes The silent treatment, then followed by is the I’m walking put the door if you don’t follow me I’ll kick you action, then he follows you and you send him back because all you needed to know was that he’d follow you….but afterwards you’ll start to cry, hopefully he starts to think and when you get home hopefully there’s a message on the answering machine for you from him telling you he’s sorry. At which point you will delete it and go on to bed but you wont be able to sleep because you’ll know there’s this something hanging over your heads, he’ll then come over at 3 am because you love that number and he’ll knock on your door or throw pebbles at your window until you come down and you’ll say you’re sorry too, and realize he’s a great guy given the fight wasn’t about him cheating….and so in that case you’ll both want each other extremely bad and go up to the room and do your thing.

 

But the exact opposite can happen where one does realize the guy is an idiot and leaves. So fights can be good or bad….hopefully this particular couple has a few fights that work for the better of their relationship and they end up strengthening their bond….hopefully they spend lots of time together, go out and explore like she has wanted for so long [she never had the right guy to do I with] take lots of pics, and do lots of random things, enjoy with family and most importantly bask in each other’s company as long as they can…..and maybe, this is it.

 

She kind of fears this is going to be the one. She has such a strong feeling that the way things are going, both parties making such a big effort and commitment, and plans with her family and his that…things wont end a year from now, and even a year from now it seems as if she and him will be there any minute….it feels like time is speeding up. Feels like they have so many plans and want to do so much together…that they have booked a year already….and even though she doesnt know what to say, or how to feel she does know that he is worth a shot….feels wonderful she thinks….to know that she’ll have someone that can talk to her, be romantic and stubborn and inpatient. To know that this someone is ready to be by her side, till the end….to be her partner in crime.

 

Because they have tomorrow, and next month…and next year.♥

 

 

The moon seems to be setting now…..

Ok, so now that I have pointedly calmed myself for a bit, I can say what happened with the EX-boyfriend.

The breaking point was through email. I wrote him a lengthy and sweet, yet firm email on my feelings about him and the stupid party, to me it is important that he knows why I was so mad and why I’ve been distant, and I told him EVERYTHING, straight out. The reason I did it by email [and I let him know] is because whenever I tried to call he would pointedly make our call short and call me by my name instead of what he usually calls me “honey”, so that pisses me off, and then he says “I’ll call you later, I’m at work” and he said that twice, on two different days and did he call? Nope. So I got extremely mad, and fed up with it because I was trying here. So I sent him that email, and he sent one back saying I was utterly ridicules, that my jealousy was stupid, [ex-cuse me, he only LIVES with three other girls….wtf would I think?] and then at the end he said that he didn’t want to deal with “this” anymore and that was it he basically ended it with “take care” and to me, that was a blow. A major one.  

So, if you ever want to know what it feels like to put your feelings on the line?  You can think of it as ripping an imaginary heart from your body [willingly] that contains all your feelings, thoughts and emotions, putting it on a silver platter and then laying it in the middle of the road…..yeah some cars might miss it, or even diverge from it, but sooner or later…..

Needless to say, I am not speaking to the bf any longer, I’ve cut communications with him, I haven’t and in the last 4 days he’s texted me twice. Yesterday, so I don’t feel a particular need to “deal with that”. If he wants me NOW he’s got to work REALLY hard at it, and if he isn’t planning on begging, getting down on his knees and the insufferable things I’m going to do to him, then I am not even going to waste my time. Because it is going to take A LOT for him to hurt like he hurt me.

Any who, yesterday me and Clarissa went to the beach  J

I am totally happy because it was awesome, and it was like the perfect day to go too, and I have been dying to go for a while and Ideally I would’ve gone w/ the BF but NOOOOO, every time I told him I wanted to do a picnic thing, he was either too busy or working or “we’ll eventually” do it attitude but did we EVER do it? No. I was hoping he’d be really romantic and surprise me or something. But regardless of the hints I gave him, he didn’t do it, provably didn’t consider it. I mean I just think it’s a little boring when all you do with your babe is watch movies…I almost felt like my brain was slowly washing away. It’s a totally weird feeling. Lol. Either way, it doesn’t matter now….me and clarissa did go together, and we brought a bunch of fun-we even had soup! Lol…tomato basil of course J and it was so awesome. We loved it. Oh and we took tons of pics! TONS! Lol. I’ll put them up when I can, but we were so cute altogether. And we fed the birds that came to us, and before we knew it there were like 20 of them, and then when the sun went down and it became extremely cold we played truth or dare. it was hilarious.

Ha ha, good times, it was just what I needed J