just when you play the nice girl…

So, Yesterday i said i was back on with the BF, NOW, today i am questioning it.

Fuckin A, what is it about men that make them so damn annoying? Why do they NOT get it? Why is everything a YES or NO question for them? Are their heads smaller? [Well, I can answer that one from experience, I’ve dated a few whose head just got bigger and bigger with every look in the mirror…] but sooooo not the point….what is up w/ their grey matter? you know this awesome organ called THE BRAIN, what the hell fell into their empty heads?

Point and case- THE BF, he who deems cartoons unworthy of presentation, he who deems the world as a glass that is more or less “half empty” is my so called BF. Now don’t get me wrong, i love the guy but WTF is going through his head? ok, last Saturday he went to this party in LA with his roommate [a GIRL non-the less] and a friend Orlando.  and to be fair: sure i know this girl, I’ve had conversations with her, we’ve even talked about the BF behind his back, in short we bonded; but she is STILL someone who lives with him and he is someone who brings her up when him and I are together randomly. i mean most stories make sense and etc but i JUST DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT SATURDAY. and he doesn’t bring it up all the time, but like today; we were coming home and he brought it up, how he had so much fun at that club he’d never been to because they played that one song of regeaton and everyone started jumping up and down like crazy.

Newsflash: it’s a club!

but then i got quiet and he notices. so he asked

“what’s wrong?”

“nothing.”

“then why did you suddenly get so quiet?”

“nothing babe”

“no. tell me.”

“well i just don’t want to hear about your Saturday”

“oh my god. Seriously? Why are you like that?”

“like what?” [and i said this with an attitude because it’s like a ‘WTF’ kind of question]

“like that. Why does it bother you just because you weren’t there ?” [to clarify, i wasn’t there because it was a 21 and over club]

“Because I’ve never done that with you! we’ve never gone clubbing together”

“well then you’re going to get like that when i go to other places when I’m without you, plus we’ve gone dancing before” [insert: yeah, we have, in a Cuban restaurant, now isn’t that just a WEE bit different?]

and he goes on to say what REALLY pissed me off the most;

“see this is why i tell you you need to do your own things” [this is coming after we haven’t seen each other in 4 days because i HAVE done my own things.]

” i do do my own things!”

“well why don’t you go clubbing with your friends and all that?”

” because i don’t want to drive all the way to LA! “

“well there must be some clubs around here.”

“no! There isn’t!!” [i was screaming at this point ]

“well is it my fault you aren’t 21?”

and i say no and he goes on…

” i told you when we started going out that our age difference was big”

[he’s 29, I’m 18.. yeah we’re 11 yrs apart, that’s huge. but i thought that the fundamental thing was that we cared for each other, i mean neither of us has money, so LUST for money has to be ruled out, we both work and go to school full time, so definitely it gives us what i call ‘not enough time together’ which is what he wants most of the time. he REALLY likes his space…he misses me all the time, but he would rather be in that state of ‘missing’ than anything else. yes i get we’re both busy and he really is a sweet heart when it comes to hanging out with me, i mean he’ll cook and make me laugh and tell me random stories and stuff and we’ll have a good ol silly time, but it’s not enough for me sometimes. i WANT to go out with him for more than just a few hours and because of certain dumb things we usually can’t, and so i expect to see him the next day but we’re always busy]

 anyways, THAT specific Saturday i wanted US to go dancing, and we didn’t because of Janet the roommates B-day. so yeah. i was mad. and he just DOESN’T get it. It’s pretty simple, I’m mad and jealous. duh.

anyways. I’m watching Sinbad a CARTOON and he can suck it if he thinks it’s childish or whatever his dumb ass thinks [i swear he’s as much 18 as i am]

so now i’m very happy 🙂 Disney movies and cartoons are what keeps me nice and sweet, it’s the only story in the world that i know will have a happy ending. Sad, but true.

Anywho- Earth day, it’s coming, and it’s BIG. Click here to find out more.

Me and The boyfriend.

 

 

Earth Day is Comming! Lights off for an hour! [and other stories of my life]

Lights off for an hour!

[go to read about earth day here]

Hi there.

K, so I haven’t written since that last post, its been what? A month? Yeah, ok practically two. And ok, I admit it was because I’ve been lazy but not too much has happened.

Lemme see. The bf is back to being the BF and so I’m not confused, I’m just unsure-of the future. It’s fuzzy. I WANT to see us together, but like I said it’s fuzzy. And I stand by what I said in my last post about me and him going our separate ways and then re-connecting. Yeah. It’s going to happen. I know it is, just because it’s GOTTA happen. All great relationships suffer in one way or another. From what I’ve seen great relationships in the making have a period of ROUGH times, it’s “Fate’s” way of breaking them or making them. My parents went through it [my mom and dad had to work a REALLY long distance thing from Cuba to California for a whole year. That’s 12 months. That’s 365 days of not seeing the other person. That’s an eternity of questions and doubts and tears because the pressure and they are now together forever. So in a way, it was to strengthen them.] Mayran and Mauricio went through it, not that I particularly like them, but they were apart back in their day too. Carlos and Aileen too , and I use all these relationships and label them as “great” because although the people themselves aren’t so super awesome [not talking about my rents] they have held their own for a long enough time to be considered stable in a relationship. Me, I am not stable. It’s been 6 months w/ Jesus but w/ all my other BFs it was 4 months or less. Therefore I have experience, but not stability. So just by what I have seen and experienced it’s obvious that me and Jesus are not going to be together forever as of RIGHT NOW, but If we wait and see what the world throws at us, that “happily ever after” is within reach if we allow each other to grow. And we will if we’re meant to be. I need more experience and he needs more “alone time” he needs to get it out of his system that whole routine of “me me me, I can hold the weight of the world by myself” idealism. Until we can meet at a certain level, we won’t meet.

I was reading this book yesterday, it was written in the 80s in form of a play and the stage directions are simple; this play is not meant to be memorized, there is no need fancy scenery, it is meant to be read aloud with the actors facing opposite ends of each other until the end when they finally see each other. How many times does a play get written like that? Anyways, it is a play called “love notes” and it’s all about a man and a women who have written each other letters since they were in second grade and have seen each other grow up and they grow to become different people and the audience sees this through the letters they’ve written each other. They never SPEAK to each other until the end [I’m gonna spoil it] when the girl dies and the guy writes to her mother and says that he regrets not marrying her and how he has realized he has always loved her and etc. and the girl is a ghost by this point and she is around him the whole time he is writing this last letter. It works on both levels- as a romantic “seize the moment” tale and as a story about how much letters are important…they really are. I’m writing here on my “blog” but you better believe I have double the info in my journal at home. We depend too much entirely on the internet these days, you ever wonder what would happen to all our memories if this site would just fail? If the whole internet just failed? There is NOTHING that can replace a hard copy. But the point the short play makes is that writing letters is a long lost art, we need to write more letters people!

On to other news, Me and Clarissa are planning a getaway weekend with the BFs. We want to go to Catallina Island. I think it’ll be really exciting. We Wanna go during the summer. From Thursday Night to Sunday morning. OMG I get excited just thinking about it. We’re gonna totally Rock out those days, sleeping with the men we luv and loving that beach breeze. It’ll be super fun. Maybe MJP can join in too. With her beau too ofcourse. That’ll be a HUGE party lol.