And you got a smile..that can light up this whole town….

14 Oct

” dreaming of the day when you wake up and find that what you’re looking for has been here the whole time…..Think i know where you belong , think i know it’s with me”- You belong with me by Taylor Swift

so…..i’m in trouble……. with my feelings.

Yeah, I don’t know what I am going to do because it is so confusing, I like this guy, who likes me and we’re going out, not officially and I’m going to meet his parents…..BUTTTT…..i also like this guy who I just recently went out with and my BF knows about him, he just doesn’t know I like him…and I can’t tell him, my bf is head over heels in love with me and I just keep wondering, what is stopping me from being head over heels in love with him? There’s attraction, there’s chemistry, there’s love…. there’s passion…..i really don’t know what’s wrong, and I can’t logically see the problem, BUT of course…it just so happens to be an illogical problem does it not? But I really do like my bf and I am very happy with him, I know he’ll take care of me and we’ll be happy ultimately, after A LOT of trials, and I am very willing to be there for him, what I’m not willing to do is be let down. If I could trust him through everything maybe things would be different, but he’s faulted 3 times on something that you should not fault even once in. And the third time, he just got lucky.  My parents and him don’t get along just because of those faulty things and also because he’s still married, yeah they’re separated and most likely he hates her now and doesn’t want to talk to her ever again and they are going through the divorce papers, but he isn’t the “go getter” type unless you push him, and I can’t always push, sometimes I’m the one that needs to be pushed and I just don’t know how compatible “exactly alike” is.

On the other hand, the other guy is great in every way, and doesn’t have that which I have mentioned, however he’s older than I’d prefer which isn’t a problem, he’s just getting ready for marriage and I am so not ready for that. But he does have a lot of plusses….that he rocks my socks :] lol, mainly he’s a great guy even though he doesn’t think so, I do. He is really sweet and if he actually put thought into it he would make any girl happy, he’s got a dirty mind just like me but he’s not exactly like me, I know we would disagree on a lot of stuff and have fights some times, but I know that we make each other melt. That we could never stay mad at each other, he and I share some similarities but something else is that he has a GF and I’m not sure how happy they are together….but he seems happy yet he says things that sometimes confuse me and Idk if he’s messing with my mind or of he means them, because I AM so sure he knows I have a crush on him and I don’t know if he has one on me but I kind of feel like he does and when I think about It I’m happy for an instant after that I worry because I want to be with him but I don’t want to be without my bf, my bf rocks too you know :). But I honestly don’t know what to do, Me and the other guy have made plans already to hang out several times , we’re going to go makes s’mores together [it’s kind of our thing…and it’s weird that we have a thing] and then we have this dinner who done it show that we’re really excited about and idk….i’m anticipating that but everyday we talk I get more and more anxious to be with him, we always have so much fun together and I love every moment of it. I also love being with my bf, last time I even considered leaving a guy for another guy….was because I was in an unhappy seemingly happy relationship, but that’s not the case.

Plus i honestly don’t think the other guy would fight for me….if I’m going to leave my current BF, this other guy needs to give me a damn good reason …he needs to fight for who he loves, whether that’s me or his GF

Plus…another provability is that I want what I cant have.

But what made me write this post is the fact that him and I were talking yesterday and this was our convo:

[10/13/2009 11:54:25 PM] HIM: tell me more

[10/13/2009 11:54:27 PM] HIM: about this friend?

[10/13/2009 11:54:27 PM] ME: s

[10/13/2009 11:54:30 PM] ME: lol

[10/13/2009 11:54:31 PM] ME: she’s taken

[10/13/2009 11:54:34 PM] ME: sorry

[10/13/2009 11:54:38 PM] HIM: all the good ones are

[10/13/2009 11:54:42 PM] ME: welll

[10/13/2009 11:54:42 PM] HIM: seriously

[10/13/2009 11:54:43 PM] ME: yeah

[10/13/2009 11:54:45 PM] HIM: its like the story of my life 🙂

[10/13/2009 11:54:47 PM] ME: lol

[10/13/2009 11:54:49 PM] ME: AND mine

[10/13/2009 11:54:51 PM] HIM: i meet someone

[10/13/2009 11:54:52 PM] HIM: fall for someone

[10/13/2009 11:54:54 PM] HIM: and she’s taken

And then he wouldn’t say who this girl was….so I honestly don’t know what to think about it, but I know I don’t want to loose him as a friend.


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