oh f*ck my life. ok, not my WHOLE life.

15 Apr

 

So suddenly, I haven’t posted anything new for a while and suddenly I stop receiving spam? Come on guys! Those were the only people that commented. I felt love along with the comments about how I should really get my genitals enlarged and how my spouse would really like that. Those –specially- made me feel special.

Anyways, the very colorful title suggests many things. Let us list them; I like lists.

·         Jesus and Daina- Final episode of the final season. Final being the key word.

·         Support is a curious thing…

·         A little four letter word having to do with LOVE and HATE called Fate. [hey! I’m a poet and I didn’t even know it!]

So I want to keep short and simple, like honey.[ ok, maybe not like honey, cuz not all is going to be sweet]

First is first- my relationship is n more. We officially broke up yesterday after a serious of random and unrelated events. I went to work, had a bridal couple [three in three days! I’m on a roll!] had to stay a bit after work, did the paper work got in and got out. Although it was Easter there was no real joy and laughter around the house. My dad got sick with a full-blown fever dilemma and I had to go return my now EX boyfriend’s shit to him. My brother could have used some attention from me, and my mother even more. She sent me to go get ibuprofen for my dad and I got Tylenol thinking it was the same thing. It was not. So she got mad, I got mad, and I ended up leaving angry to HIS house. That was bad because although I was mad, I was not mad at him at that moment, I was mad at the circumstances. Anyhow that made me susceptible to what little charm my ex holds and therefore I fell, hard. Like when I met him for the first time.

Have I mentioned I hate him? Well I do.

I hate how good he is with me; to me. I hate how he cooks, cleans and protects. How he hugs, or kisses, or a combination. I hate how good he is with my family and how much I love him, need him. I hate how bad our relationship always was, and how this end was inevitable. However, I will never regret what we had, how much we put into the relationship or what we go out of it because hey- even bad relationships are good relationships.

Note: yes, I have-after much deliberation- decided; he was right in the sense that we should end this.

Support:

Can’t say enough here. My family has always supported me in the past, it was always something that was more than enough even when I sure as hell did not deserve it. My mom and dad are the only mom and dad that I have. My brother is an amazing little human with a capability for reading your feelings so amazing that you would wonder if he were psychic. He alone serves as my wall. I can lean on him whenever I need to. As long as I have him I’ll never be alone, I’ll never fall into a depression because he requires me to be there, I have his support and he has mine, it’s what we signed up for when we were given the title of siblings, and it holds us together.  However, family is one thing, friends are another. I told Clarissa today about last night and she went to work to bring me a little notebook that says ‘I recycle my boyfriends’. It was something so small and yet it made my day. I had a bridal Couple today that was not only ecstatic to have me be their registrant but we spent 5 hours together. They even spent enough time with me to get the whole BF thing outta me and both of them felt for me, it’s stupid but it made me feel like everything is going to be ok, like there is a light at the end of the tunnel and how I’ll eventually get there. These people, who were randomly placed with me actually cared, and they didn’t have to. They really did not.

Fate:

Fate took me to Jesus, Fate knew he would teach me.

Fate gave me my brother and my sisters at heart,

Fate made me a promise: to not fear the dark.

Fate whispered in my ear, and brought me near.

It threw me towards my fears,

and somehow brought me here.

Fate simply put an obstacle in my way,

and let me sway- like the ocean so blue,

the forests so green,

the calming nature it brings-

Fate knew all these things.

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