I think I just grew a year….

1 Apr

Hey there.

I think it’s an accurate representation of how I feel. The sun is as distant as my future seems to be, along with the BF and its setting, while the world adjusts to the hours of tranquil and sweet darkness that follow, joined hand in hand by the cold yet soothing waves of the ocean, crashing onto shore. The orange glow that has only seconds left on the clock.


Today my twitter for the day message says “so me and the bf haven’t seen each other in 5 days. I’m mad and sad. I just wrote him an email with the major points. We’ll c wat materializes” [twitter and their 140 max. I swear it’s getting to me….i’m learning how to MISSPELL now] so in the short run, that’s what THIS lovely post is about.

Ok. So to be fair-and do the post justice- let me start on how I FEEL. Since that is the epithet of human society and what we socialize ourselves around. Freud thought it was pleasure, Daina [me] thinks is a curse if not innate. Either way, we are born with this and it must be there for a reason, so I find it acceptable to start each post with that.

So I’m feeling awesome, I woke up with a starving feeling after being thoroughly confused about the dream I had last night which I don’t remember but I KNOW it had to deal with werewolves [and I think that the last time I even thought about a werewolf was when I saw the movie van helsing…so my ID is REALLY acting up, I would have to give it up to Freud on that one. ;)] Anywho, I woke up starving because I have decided to actually EAT healthy and HEY! Then maybe I won’t end up like the other million of obese peeps in the world. AND I’ve done it for one day and I personally FEEL awesome, and people have also said I look great and no need to lose weight [which only keeps me going, I mean it’s not like they’re gonna say “yeah! I think it’s great, cuz to face it, a few pounds less wouldn’t be so bad for you..” so yeah. ] I also went to Yoga last night and it rocked my socks, although it was my last class L BUTTT the good thing is that today in Soc. On our break I was showing one of my classmates a move I despise [the second part to tree pose- toe stand..omg it sucks] anyways I was glad to see she couldn’t do it easily either [go us! ]

So all the support I get from my peeps is nice and I am even mellower towards the BF situation. Like right now if we were to break up I’d hate it, but I’m in college…realistically, it’s not like I’m not going to find another BF. And also I think there’s a potential one out there. More than anything I want to test the waters. I WANT another BF to last me through college, see what different people there are out there. Like this guy hit on me today –sure I didn’t think he was cute and initially I don’t think I ever will, but hey, I got hit on and either way you c it, I find that awesome. The fact that a guy had the balls to make up conversation out of thin air to get to know me a little bit in a lecture hall, is well-amazing- as far as guys go. So yeah. It was good for my EGO J [no pun intended on Freud ] Anyway if me and the BF stop our little she-bang right now, I won’t be as hurt as I would’ve been say 10 weeks back. And it may be that I’m crazy, but I just feel like if it’s meant to be, it WILL be. There are just so many examples of that. I mean I don’t know if it’s true, and there is no way in hell I can scientifically prove it, but I got to believe it, life is about belief. It doesn’t have to be religion, but you have to have SOMETHING you believe in, it’s how life becomes tolerable. Either way I believe him and I will either end up together or really good friends in the future. One thing is for sure, I NEED to have other experiences. And if this path of least resistance takes me somewhere completely different than what I was expecting, then I thank my BF for these last 6 months. He’s taught me a lot, and I believe I’ve grown a lot because of him. I am definitely more aware.

Either way, I wrote that email because needed to tell him WHY I had gotten mad in the first place, I ahd to explain what MY reasoning behind it was and also he has for the most part been ignoring me. He picks up my calls [see how the wheels have turned? Who’s calling who now? And it isn’t right either.] And what not but he’s always at work, then he says he’ll call me back. That naturally pisses me off because he DOESN’T call back, which makes me think he’s giving me a taste of my own medicine or doesn’t care. Well I’ve called him TWICE and I’m done playing his role. I’m done being sweet and leaving him messages that he left me only two days ago saying that I missed him even if we weren’t talking. I mean, my aim was to be sweet and show him what he’s missing but now I’m done. I don’t care how tired he is, how annoyed he is. To show me he cares he calls and we WORK it out if it’s meant to be that way, if not then that’s it. And that was the essence of my email. I basically told him that if he wanted to end things with me all he had to do was remain silent, because [and I quote] even your silence speaks volumes.

So there are the updates of today [or these last couple of days]





2 Responses to “I think I just grew a year….”

  1. matt April 1, 2009 at 10:58 PM #

    This blog’s great!! Thanks :).


  2. Toreockgelo April 4, 2009 at 12:59 PM #

    Great site this frenchfwries.wordpress.com and I am really pleased to see you have what I am actually looking for here and this this post is exactly what I am interested in. I shall be pleased to become a regular visitor 🙂


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