The perfect place

 

I was wondering the other day

If I could find some place

To write our names

A place where US wont be taken away

 

So I wrote it in suds

In the shower door

But slowly they run down

And that’s not US at all

 

So I then took my lipstick

Sweet as day

And wrote the words on the mirror

But to my dismay, it is easily wiped away

 

Then we went to the beach

And I wrote US on the sand

But then the water washed it away

So I wrote it in my heart

And forever it will stay.

Made by Dai

 

 

 

 

 

 

Breakfast on a friday night ^^

Breakfast ona  friday night…..is just what i am going to do today with the Bf…..cant wait. i jsut LOVE breakfast on a friday night….omigosh it rocks my socks, it is like the ULTIMATE non conformance…..lol..Yummy.

been reading this book called Veracity, and it is BOMB, everyone should read it. its on my kindle and i cant really give you the auther because i forgot, but it JUST cam eout like in January of 2010, so that should narrow it down a bit.

missing my boyfriend, although he’s been very naighty lately. He keep slying to me about the dumbest things, like he gets me a gift, and i swear i am the most gullible gf ever bc i believe his every word, and i mean i have always been like that its not as if i could change it, so anyways, he tells me he got me a certain “toy” and he’s excited about it coming in, and all that and i ask what kinda toy, he tells me something sexual so i think its s sexual type of toy…right? wouldnt you? no, turns out to be a bracelet. yeah….the most innocent of things…adn it makes me soooo mad, bc i asked my boss and everything about this toy because supposedly he had asked my boss about it and she had said she would like it if he gave it to her, and so not only did i make an ass of my self, bc i had told her it was a sexual toy, but then he like starts cracking up…it makes me so mad, and he did it twice today, he said he got me something sexy for me for vday, soemthing i can wear, and i think its lingerie….but no, apparently its not. idk what it is yet, but i think its gotta be edible. or whatever, but the point is he completely mislead me, and i believed him and now i’m pissed. so i told him it makes me feel like an idiot when he does that, and he apalogized and i’m glad we’re on the same page, but i’m still mad-ish i mean what else has he lied about?

sigh.

a semi-perfect us

I remember that day that you asked me out

We had been friends for quite a while

It was a long night like always

When we talked till dawn

And you asked me to see

A movie with thee

 

You played it so cool

Even when I had said no

And asked me again the next day

Until I had finally said “well ok”

 

You knew I was taken

Having fun with my guy

I knew you weren’t single

But still we went out that night.

 

We laughed and we ate

Having a blast

We saw the one movie

That scared me outta my socks

 

Then we went home that night

Feelings were tight

And wondering  why

We felt so alive

 

The next week again

You asked me out to play

We went to the beach

And saw all those things

 

We had packed some s’mores

Making memories as we drove

Out to the beach

That perfect date scene

 

And I looked at you

Asked you how you felt

And you held my hand

And said that only I could tell.

 

I remember blushing just then

My heart swept away

It was surprising to see

Your feelings for little old me.

 

I remember thinking

“could this be the guy”

And I said hey why not….

Lets give him a try.

 

From an outsiders perspective

I guess you could say

That we had it all

To begin paving the way.

 

And thing really were great

But lately, I have been meaning to say

That we’re being kind of weird

With all of the fighting and tears

 

I kind of want to shut off my phone

Turn off the computer

Close the door

And have you leave me alone.

 

I don’t get why we’re fighting

Don’t know why your mad

I think it’s a big waste of time

Wish you would see that.

 

I want it all to be fine

Just as it was

But suddenly it seems

So far back in the past.

 

My interpretation of “Farewell”

 

I’m sorry to say

That today is the day

That boy looks up at me

From your spirited legs

 

I look back and see

Those eyes just like mine

I look back at you

And his face is sublime

 

I’m sorry my dear

The end is right here

I cannot wait

For I must be leaving today

 

His hands are like yours

His face strong like mines

And if I stay I fear

That one day he’ll cause tears in your eyes

 

I do not want him

I do not want to make this choice

Mariners are no dads

And they have no voice

 

I like the love of my kind

Leaving without saying goodbye

A women on every port

Waiting for us to report.

 

But sadly we never come back

And she stays here

Harboring fears

With tears

Farewell by Pablo Neruda (in spanish)

Por Pablo Neruda

Desde el fondo de ti, y arrodillado,
un niño triste como yo, nos mira.

Por esa vida que arderá en sus venas
tendrían que amarrarse nuestras vidas.

Por esas manos, hijas de tus manos,
tendrían que matar las manos mías.

Por sus ojos abiertos en la tierra
veré en los tuyos lágrimas un día.

Yo no lo quiero, Amada.

Para que nada nos amarre
que no nos una nada.

Ni la palabra que aromó tu boca,
ni lo que no dijeron tus palabras.

Ni la fiesta de amor que no tuvimos,
ni tus sollozos junto a la ventana.

Amo el amor de los marineros
que besan y se van.

Dejan una promesa.
No vuelven nunca más.

En cada puerto una mujer espera:
los marineros besan y se van.

(Una noche se acuestan con la muerte
en el lecho del mar.)

Amo el amor que se reparte
en besos, lecho y pan.

Amor que puede ser eterno
y puede ser fugaz.

Amor que quiere libertarse
para volver a amar.

Amor divinizado que se acerca
Amor divinizado que se va.

Ya no se encantarán mis ojos en tus ojos,
ya no se endulzará junto a ti mi dolor.

Pero hacia donde vaya llevaré tu mirada
y hacia donde camines llevarás mi dolor.

Fui tuyo, fuiste mía. ¿Qué más? Juntos hicimos
un recodo en la ruta donde el amor pasó.

Fui tuyo, fuiste mía. Tú serás del que te ame,
del que corte en tu huerto lo que he sembrado yo.

Yo me voy. Estoy triste: pero siempre estoy triste.
Vengo desde tus brazos. No sé hacia dónde voy.

…Desde tu corazón me dice adiós un niño.
Y yo le digo adiós.

Weird dream

Oh man, I had a freaky dream today. It was so weird. Apparently our country was being run by Aliens and there was this ship and I told everyone to get on board and help me fight them off with their specialized seats made up with guns and everything. My boyfriend was there and my aunt and my grandpa, weirdly enough.

The thing is that I was really weak, I don’t know If there was some part of me missing like a leg or something, but I was really weak, they told me not to fight but I went on anyways. While we were lifting off, my aunt told me something funny, she said that she had hoped we had used the restroom before leaving because you can’t battle aliens on a full bladder, anyways I had to go to the restroom so we had to stop at an alien and human safe zone the aliens had built and my grandpa came inside with me to help me get into the restroom that looked like it was the guys room because the decals were so weird.

Anyways I flooded the toilet and everyone was looking at me so I had to go grab a plunger and un flood it but it didn’t work that way weirdly enough, so I just left. Hey I tried. And then I found my grandpa outside waiting for me on the ground. He looked really young, but in this scene he looked as if like had aged him 50 years. So we went back to the ship and my dream ended….i have absolutely NO idea where this dream came from…..weird.

Sigh.

I feel kind of sick today, I don’t know why. It could be lack of sleep, lack of eating, or maybe both. I’m very fatigued, I want to throw up and I am stressed, of course. Who isn’t? Well i finally got my baby videos from my grandpa, back from 1994. They are so cool, it shows me back in cuba, I was SUCH a brat, and demanded so much attention lol…..i guess I still demand attention though.

 Feeling like crap right about now…and have so much to do, I have to finish that stupid scarf I started, then makes gloves and a hattie for the BF who says he gets cold, but really he’s just giving me something to do “so I don’t break up with him” lol. After all we’ve been through, he still thinks ima break up with him. Prrrf…..not something I think about. Anywho. Just came back from a long weekend, had my dads and bf’s party on Saturday, one in the morning, the other one in the afternoon…..it was a long day. We had so much fun though, we had the best of Cuban food at my place and then we went out to eat at a Korean restaurant for his bday with his family. It was just great. We played this game called “Things” and it was really funny questions like “things you wouldn’t say to a police officer” “things that hang” “things you could use as an excuse on judgment day” and well of course we got very creative with our answers, as you can imagine all of us, 10 adults, playing a pg-13 game lol…..well by the end of the night we had nicknamed almost everyone and we were all pretty wasted. HA ha ha … good times.

So today, I had Chem, and we had a fun lab, It was all scientific…you gotta love college. So that was great, except I’ve been feeling bad all day, and as soon as I got inside the class I wanted to leave but I couldn’t have missed it of course, we had tests and lab, I mean its hard to imagine I will ever miss a chem. Class, each is so crucial because of how he teaches, giving you virtually all answers in your notes.

 Anyways after that I came home and David was home and so I yelled at him for not washing the dished because I mean he’s been here all day, has been doing nothing and here I come feeling like crap and all I want to do it like crash on my bed get all nice and toasty and he expects me to be like the housewife and take care of every little whim when he had plenty of time to do so. It just pisses me off how lazy or “not his job” he thinks these little things are. So I took a nap, and I woke up feeling about to throw up. Of course I haven’t really eaten anything all day, and I guess you can say it’s a killer diet but I just don’t have time these days and anyways my appetite is just way off, and I am so picky. So for dinner I was very satisfied with an apple and a mandarin. I mean I don’t need much, my body needs sugar? There you go…turn it into energy and we’re a-ok. Lol.

I’m kinda mad at the bf, this just happened right now at night time, we were talking after he got home from work and I was telling him about the baby videos my grandpa finally dug out to give to me, and I mean I’m overwhelmed by them, I really am, some of the things I did back then I don’t remember, I was only about 4 or 5 in these videos….but I am really touched at how much attention I always had, everyone was always worried about me.

My neighbors, my grandparents, my moms friends, I mean literally everyone who was living across from me or next to me, or knew me cared. My godmother and godfather both were about 15 or 16 when they took on the responsibility and they sacrificed THEIR lunches to bring it to me. Which is HUGE in a desperate country like Cuba…I mean you think Haiti is bad….prrff. so I was truly touched by watching them, as well as nostalgic and I just couldn’t imagine I was THAT little girl, its just amazing to see yourself as a small child, you tend to want to pick yourself up and baby talk yourself. I mean…I don’t know, I was overcome by all this, a video I haven’t seen since it was made, maybe for 15 years or so…and its not like I have baby pics….anyways.

 The boyfriend calls this me being big headed, that it’s all I talk about, that it’s all I say and he wants me to talk to him again when my head isn’t so big. I let him think what he wants, because I know how I feel about this, and it is in no way me rubbing attention in anyone’s faces. He doesn’t realize that in Cuba, these people put their money on me, their food, their life even, and I miss them…I miss those times when everyone was so happy and I was the center of that. I really think its amazing how great they were with me, and I find it difficult to believe I would have been treated with the upmost care and love here in this country. Because although things may be harsh in Cuba, we are NOT an individualistic society and actually CARE about each other, so I miss that. I really do. But apparently that’s called egotism. I don’t care, he was born here, I don’t expect him to understand because he has never seen a society in which your needs are actually taken into consideration by other people, and they care. He doesn’t see how wonderful that can be, I mean in an impoverished country, I was immensely lucky and cared for, most people here are lucky to even KNOW who their grandparents are, let alone spend a few days with them.

 I was at my godmother’s house every day, and was missed if I wasn’t. Plus he probably doesn’t notice me always looking at his baby pictures in the dining room of his house, but I just love it, it makes me really happy to see him as a little kid, I think he was the cutest thing ever, it was probably the one time in his life [until tony was born] when he was the youngest and got babied…..and he just looked so happy. Its such a nice time…sometimes I wish I could go back to that point in my life when skinned knees are all I had to worry about…ha ha….i really miss my family.

Simple.

Simply is told

Simple at most

The way that it seems

Does our freedom ring

I’ll keep up my words

My moral at the most

I’ll keep up the laws

That our society holds

I’ll tell my kids one day

The things that the Book says

But don’t expect them to believe

A single thing

I will not expect much

I will teach just as I have been taught

I will believe in what I believe

And choose to be

Just me

It’s a pledge from here out

To never sell out

To think twice

Before going out

To think once again

About the latest mistakes

But I will not blame

Others for what I have made

It really is simple

Just words, in fact

That these things we call rights

Have taken to act.

Upon societies laws

How can we say that

When we arent alone

As far as societies go

We must think for ourselves

But hardly are taught

Its just empty words

Our parents have fought

Its empty eyes

Its feelings inside

Its these little things

That lets freedom ring

Its because of these causes

That argument arises

And then turns on the storm

Of that which we call “a war”

But cant we just say

That simple is  told

That simple beholds

Our society’s hold?

Summer Luv

When I was younger, in 9th grade, I needed to take P.E as a course in summer school in order to add a class to my schedule for sophomore year, so I took P.E thinking it was going to be the absolute worst class ever, but I ended up falling in love with a guy named Efren. I also had a crush on this guy named Eric but although he liked me back, he never said anything because from day one, Efren had my heart. Anyways, this was not puppy love, I thought this was true, real love. The kind I was FINALLY going to have. High aspirations for a teen eh?

Anyways.

Efren and I spent the whole summer together, and eventually he did end up getting closer and closer to me. He never told me he liked me until the very last day of school, but he held my hand once and acted as if we were dating. He was the most wonderful thing in the world. I remember he had this old school ipod which was really cool back then, because his passion was music, just as much as acting, and so he had tons of songs, and I would just sit there with him, and we’d listen away to a bunch of hits.
I also remember Eric, and see now he would’ve been a much better choice, but my friend Vanessa liked him and I of course liked Efren, and endless triangle here.

So one day, I remember that Vanessa and I were jogging the track, well…pretending to, while Efren and Eric come up and actually start jogging. Vanessa and I both had our ice packs [which we melted and drank] in our hands and so eventually when they lapped us the guys would come to each of us and ask for ice. Efren, came to me. I wouldn’t give him any ice and so he carried me and held me there until I did, I thought it was just amazingly sweet. But the best moment we ever shared happened next, when the sprinklers came on, he jogged and ran towards them with me in his arms while I screamed “no no you better not get me wet!” and so he turned around last minute and the sprinklers only caught him. I thought it was the single sweetest thing a guy has ever done on a sweet worry free summer day. And all that started my summer love. From then on we became inseparable, except I always found something odd, he never asked me to be his gf. But it didn’t matter, I knew that it was unlikely to happen since the following year I would be switching to another highschool and wouldn’t see him again….most likely. So, I just tried to enjoy every moment I had with him, and it lasted all the way up till the very last week of school. He suddenly stopped talking to me, stopped running with me, just stopped hanging out. Then as, every summer romance, the last day of class, in the last minute, he had taken a baseball from a game of ball we had played, and written on it with pen that he loved me and couldn’t be with me because he would just hurt me. And dropped it into my purse. I left and I as soon as I got home, read the inevitable and cried myself to sleep that night. He had broken my heart.

I never knew that someone that I had seen maybe for 4 hours a day for the better part of a month could mean so much to me. I felt helpless, loveless, like nothing mattered. And throughout the years I let him go, and he no longer was someone for me, but it was only until I found out he was a gay in disguise that I realized all the faulty errors in our so called relationship, and was glad he had hurt me like that because I was truly over him.

But I guess the moral of the story is that there are always people/obsticles and things in your way, because a well known someone once said “life…its just one thing after the other” and it’s true. After Efren was Louis, after Louis, Chris, after that Jared, after that…etc. I mean, I had a whole lot of bfs, and yet no one had shown me that really great feeling I had experienced once before, and I believe it takes a special person to do so. I think that I can safely say that after several years of looking for this person, I have come really close to one who out rules, outnumbers, out perfects, out gifts, outlasts and is outstanding in comparison to the others, and it’s important to know that no matter what, you could NEVER not find your true match, because after all, life IS one thing after another.

This v-day I hope everyone finds their special Thing.